Article voiceover
at steepest water’s edge
beneath bent-low boughs
hidden among roots
we waited
vigilant soldiers
where the flood would break
bow and arrow
close at hand
we ate quickly
planning, preparing
to hold firm
to hold our fire
until we could see
mirthless grins
bearing knives
wavelets kept time
cupped by evergreen gusts
my own belt-hung blade
heavier
than pocketed stones
they came across the lake then
in skiffs—came
until eyes
glistened white
in the moonlight
The original version of this poem can be found here, if you care to compare.
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I liked the formatting of this newer verdion, but without the mention of pirates, i imagined Native Americans. And it felt much darker.
Cutting out all the references to this being in a child's imagination kept the stakes really high in this version. You handled the tension really well.