This is great Mark. I love "martyr's grief" as a replacement for "how losing feels." Much more aligned with the diction and tone of the rest of the piece. Well done
Beautiful meditation, Mark. The changes tied the imagery together really well. The last stanza, the way “Have mercy” gives the reader a moments pause is so well done. You’ve rolled each line wonderfully into the next here.
Beautiful! I love the specificity of language in your poems. Words like "samara" and "bruit." I like the change to forest imagery that you've done here, without sacrificing some good end-rhymes.
All of this is so excellent, but that turn at the end with "Have mercy. Help me feel the breaking bough/as one whose hope is seated near your throne" is just absolutely pitch-perfect, and the break there made me pause to align myself in the posture of humility to well pictured there. I love it
Terza rima alert! I love this.
Thank you, Tania, and also for the restack! Terza rima is fast becoming my go-to form for these Meditations. It’s so fluid.
This is great Mark. I love "martyr's grief" as a replacement for "how losing feels." Much more aligned with the diction and tone of the rest of the piece. Well done
Thank you, Robert! That was a good insight, much appreciated.
Beautiful meditation, Mark. The changes tied the imagery together really well. The last stanza, the way “Have mercy” gives the reader a moments pause is so well done. You’ve rolled each line wonderfully into the next here.
Thank you, Brit! Your feedback was helpful and I'm glad that the poem ended up with a better flow.
My goodness, these last lines.
"Have mercy. Help me feel the breaking bough
as one whose hope is seated near your throne."
And thank you for the new vocabulary. You sent me to my dictionary looking up"b r u i t."
Thank you for reading and commenting, Jody. I'm learning new words right along with you!
Beautiful! I love the specificity of language in your poems. Words like "samara" and "bruit." I like the change to forest imagery that you've done here, without sacrificing some good end-rhymes.
Thank you, Olivia! It helps to read so many poets here who use rich language. Your writing and that of others is an inspiring push in that direction.
All of this is so excellent, but that turn at the end with "Have mercy. Help me feel the breaking bough/as one whose hope is seated near your throne" is just absolutely pitch-perfect, and the break there made me pause to align myself in the posture of humility to well pictured there. I love it
Thank you for sharing that, Claire! I'm grateful to hear it.
Oh, I love what you did with that third stanza-- it flows so beautifully with the rest! Great job!
Thank you, Kate!
I love the roll of the words in this Mark-- and especially the image of God, the tree planter, walking through the burned forest.
Thank you, Ann! That one came after feedback alerted me to a misaligned image. It's so good to gain insight from pre-readers.
Exquisite.
Thank you, Margaret Ann!
Same thought as Olivia. Fantastic diction and, as previously discussed, you have great skill in wrestling the lines into their right music.
Thank you, Sam! I'm happy that the music came through. The first draft was definitely less flowing.